#sept19th2006

Hi friends,

To many people, September 19th might hold no significance. It might be a friend or loved one's birthday(s); it might be the day that he/she starts a new job or new school year; or it could be the day that you have lost someone. For me personally, September 19th 2006 has quite a big impact on my life. I once again was hit by vulnerability. Now I have learned to admit that we can be vulnerable every now and then and it will be okay. But I can never forgot the emotional distress that I went through that night.

September 19th 2006. That was the night that the latest coup d'etat in Thailand took place. I remember getting a call from my mom, telling me that a military coup d'etat will take place tonight. Dad won't be coming home tonight. He is on the way to my uncle's. One could imagine how shocked a seventeen years old can be in a situation like that. Back then my dad held in a position in the government, and of course that means if this situation turns bad.. it might potentially be bad for him as well.

I rushed to watch the news on the tv in my parent's bedroom. The waiting was painful, really. Then when the situation rolled out, it was too fast to even comprehend. First our former PM announced a emergency decree through skype from NY since he was there to participate in UN General Assembly. All of the sudden it was cut off half way, and all I can hear was "Beeeeeepppppp....". This is probably most of how all of the other people felt. Confused. I was very much confused, and what was worse was that we were informed that dad didn't go to my uncle's but chose to go back to the gov't house instead. Panic, confusion, fear, as much as a seventeen years old could feel.

I really hates politics.


There was no news.. everyone media was cut off. My imagination ran wild. Will my dad be put to prison? What will happened? Nobody can tell me anything. I cried.. and my brother cried.. (which our parents made fun of us later on.. grr such meanies!). How are we supposed to react in this situation. I know I felt vulnerable, I was so scared and I was helpless.

Next morning, we were told that our dad was held on a house arrest at one of the military base nearby. Only families are allowed to visit. Grandma was there at our place in the morning. She, also, was in distress. I think not knowing what was going to happen was the scariest part. She thought she has lost her son(s) once, and now.. who knew what was going to happen. We went and visit dad. Everything was so controlled. Mom told dad about us crying. Dad laughed (mehh!!! I still pouted about it). Anyhow, seeing him in safe and sound condition was assuring me.

The aftermath was somewhat of a blur. A military was running the government for a while. Dad was home everyday for a next few weeks (yes, that is not so common). Phones tapped (OH YES, this is not a conspiracy theory, it was proven. Mid way through the conversation when it started to be more serious about politics, it was cut off.. Yes, we are not overthinking it). Discussion of relocation pops up in our family dinner. Visiting Hong Kong, Australia, and all that. Luckily, none of that really ever happens. Though I always remembers what dad always says, "What am I going to do elsewhere and retired? Working in McDonald for minimum wages?" Yes, I think it would be hilarious to see him work in a McDonald.


I would never forgot that night and how it has shaped me. The decision that dad took to head back to the govt house rather than to run away. The ignorance of other people in my generation about this political changes. Oh, how it shook me. Oh, how it inspired me.

Seven years passed. Every now and then what I think about I can still feel those emotions running through me, tears and fear.

Best,
Emily

Dearest friends,

Disclaimer: This post is by no mean saying that one religion is better than the other. This post only reflect my thoughts and meant no harm to anyone or any practice. If in any way, this post offends anyone, I apologize. English is not my first language and I may have to express my thoughts too well. Again, I am sorry. This post is for sharing purposes and not a claim/statement.

Religion has always been the topics that I have always tried to avoid ever talked about. Growing up in the not so religious family, even though we say we are Buddhists, but we have never discussed the practices, the beliefs, let alone comparative studies for different religions.

I spent the last 5 years in secondary school in a Catholic School. To be honest, I was relieved that my school was quite diverse and therefore does not require you to believe in any.. specific religions. Studying bibles was not mandatory, celebrating religious holidays was not required, practicing religions of your choice was voluntary.

At one point in school, I considered converting to Catholic. I want to connect to the higher being, someone who can guide me through the course of my life in peace. But when I proposed the idea to my friend, she thought it was ridiculous and told me that it is not that easy, don't make a big deal out of it. I was surprised, and eventually stopped thinking about it.

Today, I had a conversation with my friend and her mentor. Both of them are Christians and have very strong faith in their beliefs. The mentor has always been gentle, insightful and kind to me, providing guidance when we both need one. Today she touched on the topic of regions. In particular, of Christianity. In my recent years living in US and Hong Kong, nobody has seriously asked me the question, 'have you ever considered Christianity?' Nobody has made the efforts to actually convinced me (in an appropriate matters i.e. sincerely and nicely shared their beliefs, and not a forceful "converting" kind). Today she was kind enough to tell me about how she believe, and explained how her belief makes her feel completed. And it was different. She told me about how believing in God and Jesus make her be a better person. How she is always reminded of how blessed she is. And.. to be honest, how is it different than other beliefs or simply the beliefs to become a better person? The road of a noble man. How is it different than choosing the be good person?

I think about it... long and hard.


So.. how exactly are each religion different?

Think about it I suppose.

Best,
Emily

Beijing, the symbol of change

My dearest friends, 

I have just got back from a 4 nights and 4 days trip in Beijing, China. On this trip, I finally got to visit the places that you know you have to visit at least once in your life, e.g. The Great Wall (cloudy, foggy wall for us unfortunately), the forbidden city, the tian'anmen square, etc. More importantly, since I have such a knowledgable travel partner (aka my dad), I think this trip is very mind-opening in term of my perspective of Chinese people, socialism and definitely it's potential as the world's biggest power (no kidding). Well, I don't want to share too much about what we do or where we went during this trip, but I would like to share my thoughts and the reflection on what I have learned on this trip. I hope I wouldn't bore you guys too much. 

Beijing (北京) has blown my mind in oh-so-many ways. The buildings, the urban planning, the redevelopments.. are in so many ways, much greater than I have imagined. I have been to temples and older area in China before, so I was expecting all these attractions in Beijing to be somewhat the same. But.. To y surprise, the buildings here are very grand (yes, you may argue that they are showing off their wealth, but who wouldn't?) I was staying at Dongzhimen area and the weather sucked for the first three days (foggy, cloudy, smoggy, whatever you chose to call it, I just can't see shit. Pls excuse my language). So I didn't get the see the lines of these beautifully designed buildings. I was really really impressed! Though my second thoughts after seeing that was "such a waste of space". The impression of how beautiful these buildings are.. Definitely overruns my efficient self. To be honest, people kept telling me these things but I failed to accept it, only have accepted the negative perspective that people have of Chinese people (not that it is not true, I definitely have experienced the moment that I know it happened from time to time). I definitely learned on this trip that they can be very helpful and very nice. It is just that it's in their culture, they have always done things this way, of course going outside of China, it may appears as they are being rude.. But it is the norm here. And maybe I should once again try to be open-mind of the people. 

Back to my points on their capacity in urban planning and redevelopment. First, the forbidden city. What. The. Heck. Why is it so freakishly big!? It's tiring just to walk from front gate to the inner city wall. Not to mention all these small halls inside the inner city.. And, all these halls that are practically serving the same purpose! I bet all the people who worked inside the palace (what Thai people call "ขันที") must be really fit walking at that length just to go see the emperor or talk to someone from another hall. I'll for sure get lost from time to time. But all these halls, they have such great characters. Great meanings. I mean someone told me it get redundant and repetitive over awhile, which I have the agreed, but I found it is very interesting to see the meaning of the structures. It is as though they have thought through the planning process many many times before they can come up with such a grand yet very symbolic structures. And it actually fit quite well to the newer buildings nearby, i.e. national museum, hall of people. 

Another example would be the "altar of heaven" at the temple of heaven park. The nine layer of everything they do. Nine bricks from the center, nine stairs and floors, it's very interesting! So beautiful and also so meaningful. The Art 798 (七九八 as the locals call the area). It used to be factories and storage space. Now it has been redeveloped to be a creative space, where everyone is free to create (of course there are some limitations, no political incentives). I mean, the reason I value that so much because there is a similar sort of space in Thailand, which I love so much. You can walk there and explore new ideas. It's a space where I can get inspired, and 798 gave me that same feeling. I dare say that this type of space is very very limited in Hong Kong. Something I can never really get over with (sorry Hong Kong, I miss this uniqueness and small startups, not so much corporations and franchises. But my point on 798 is actually.. The fact that it is so well-developed using the old factory and warehouses, changing them into the galleries and artsy stores (ugh, I wish we have more time to explore!)

Now a bit more about what I learned about Chinese people. 

1. They know how to "obtain" what they want, not waiting for it to happened. I mean that is admiring. They took the steps necessary without fear of embarrassment. Sometimes I wish I am like that as well. Sometimes. 
2. They can be really nice. I just need to learn and practice more of my mandarin! People can be redundant but they are helpful. Service are quite good (compared to HK. in Thailand it might be the same, but maybe that is so because I was staying in the city). 
3. They are just like us and why are we comparing culture to cultures and making judgment based on individual cases should not be assumed to be the same as the mass. Do you know what I mean? I think I've been indulging myself without taking a step back to trying to understand their cultures. I need to remind myself that next time. 

Anyway, I am now waiting at the airport, Beijing capital airport, somewhat praying that my flight won't be delayed. But also, I've found their airport to be quite epic! It's so pretty!! Sometimes it reminds me of HK and BKK airports (except the flights delaying part). Anyway, this is quite long, so I think I should end it here. I hope everyone would get a chance to go visit Beijing and feel as impressed as I am. Next stop in china maybe Shanghai or Yunnan or Tibet! Weeeee! Maybe I should start planning with ms. Lek! 

Thank you for reading. I would love to discuss more about what I learned or listen to your perspectives on china, so please feel free to comment! 

Also, thanks to my love or being so patient when I cannot contact him during my time in Beijing. Thanks for understanding. ;) 

A little something to share before I end this post..

Tian'anmen Square (天安门)  and Forbidden City from afar

:)

Love, 

Emily

A Student Again..

Dear friends,

This is going to be a short one (since it's 1.29am), but I just want to express my reliefs and surprises I experienced today. Today evening has passes by so quickly! Well to get to the point (and keeping it short, remember it's 1.29am! Note to self, note to self!), today was the day in which I have two major assignments due for my Chinese class and my online class. I had submitted the essay for the online class earlier this morning, but I just had my Chinese presentation (the very first one! it was ridiculously nerve-wrecking). Seriously... what a major relief!!

My classmates and I went out to grab a drink and get something to eat afterwards, and I realized how much they reminds me of my friends, my really close friends. My mood has been ups and downs lately and to be honest, hanging out with new people really truly brightened me up! I am going to do it more often! Too bad I won't be continuing the class with them, onto the next level of Putonghua. But oh well, I'm sure I'll be able to keep in touch!

Off I go now, sleep time sleep time!

Love lots,
Emily

Squid fishing, only in Hong Kong.

Dear friends, 

Last night, I got a chance to go squid fishing in Hong Kong! I mean I heard about this activity before but I were not too interested. But since my friends/colleagues are going, of course, I've tagged along.  

So having to be in Seattle for quite some times. When I think any kind of fishing. I think BIG. Big size, big boats, big equipment. I think "the Deadliest Catch" (Yes! I really thought). Well, I know...that isnt really pragmatic. And I thought about different more realistic scenarios for HK waters. It was involved lots of like random equipments and really churning water (I remember watching the perfect storm when I was younger, that image of the big waves turning the ship over is quite traumatizing really).

But the experience was much less dramatic but definitely was as much fun as I thought. The satisfaction of catching just one damn squid is much more than you think! (Yes, even if it's smaller than a palm size. 

The group first met up in Sai Kung to board the boat at around 7pm. Squids are typically caught at night because they are attracted to lights. I recalled seeing all these fishing boats with ridiculously BIG bulbs in Taiwan earlier last August. Then at night during my visit, I also saw a lot of bright ships over the sky line. 

Sai Kung piers are the most crowded on Saturday night. "Ah, I guess the locals do this a lot too!" I have seen lots of groupons but have never really thought about buying as I have mentioned. Anyway, we hop on the boat and off we go..!

One of the batches that we've got that evening.

On the junk boat, heading off to our "squid fishing" spot.

The apparatus that we used to catch them squids!! Just hooks and strings!

After one hour of moving my arm and throwing out the hooks over and over again, and complaining out loud. I successfully got two squid!! Woot woot!! Anyway, my colleague is a pro, she got 13 (grrrr...!!). It was fun and a good experience. The squids were delicio as well! ngum ngum ngum.

oh yeah, we've got enough for four dishes.

Anyway, this should really sum up the experience. Wheee! More to update about my upcoming birthday weekend!

Lots of love,
Emily

Things I'm grateful for..

My dear friends, 

This is a much.. overdue post. To be honest, part of my new year resolutions was to do at least one post per month, and yet.. here we are, 6 months later. But I am here to tell you a quick brief updates about my life. It has been a little difficult and stressful lately. Nevertheless I would like to devote this post to tell you guys about things I am grateful for. 

Over this past 6 months, there were times when I was idle and bored (yes, out of my mind). And, there were times that I was overwhelmed (yes, again out of my mind). But here now thinking back to those times, I really a lot of people. I mentioned in the last posts that I don't want to take things for granted, and I wish to do this reflection every once in a while, to be a better person and to grow a bit by bit from the self-reflection. 

And since I love making list.. (here we go again, another damn list!)

1. A couple of things that I signed up for earlier this year when I was feeling rather idle were: (i)  volunteering with the "School-Company-Parents (SCP)" with Young entrepreneurs Development Councils (YDC), and (ii) my Putonghua class (woot, woot! 我是中文棵的学生! ). Both of them are going great at the moment, but the things that I would like to mention here is the SCP program. Since I moved to Hong Kong, due to language limitations, I have also limited my opportunity to volunteer locally. Through this program, however, I managed to work through those language barrier and get involved again. These guys here are the kids that I worked with. Teaching them about "Career Choice" makes me reflect upon my own. Thinking about why I have chosen to study Economics and Biology, and also how I ended up here in Hong Kong, and most importantly being able to guide someone with that experience are quite rewarding. These guys remind me of how much how much I have grown.

Note: SCP Program is started with YDC organization and technically we were to guide these secondary school kids to face the business world and the reality of job hunting and career planning. 

2. I've also got a chance to travel a bit. Explore unknown space. Though I am not going to discuss much about this because we all know what I am talking about (Explore, explore, explore, and never say no to an adventure!), I've learned that we can always do the smallest things like explore a park on a rainy day, watching the sunset and eating cold cakes. Yes, that makes the best memories. Indeed, the best.

3. My dearest. He gave me so much support. I ranted and ranted everyday, mood swings and all those emo moments. He was there. Supporting me and making me feel like the luckiest girl in the world. Really, I do feel that way sometimes! I am forever grateful. I really hope I am the same to you. You keep me silly. You are keeping my young.

4. Family. When I am at my saddest moments, I long for them. And I have not felt this way in a long time. Yes, there are times that I am homesick. But I am been on my own for so long that I forgot what it is like to feel like you can depends on someone.  They give me so much more than I thought I am receiving. Simplest words. would lift me up. I miss them so. I really do.

5. Sigur Ros and cute puppies (yes, cute puppies).

Sigur ros first.. Their musics, their epic concert. (not so much the ticket price, but hey, it is Sigur Ros afterall). I finally got the chance to go see them live. Jonsi again did not disappoint. Went to their concert at Asia-World Expo on May 21 (long-awaited since the beginning of the year!) Listening to them live reminds me so much of why I am so attracted to their music. Ah.. 2009 till now, I am very happy I have learned about them.

Secondly, puppies. I can not not give them credits, for I am very much grateful for their cuteness! These babies lift up my spirits a lot. When I'm down, when I'm bored, when I'm stressed. But look at those puppies, they make me smile big every single time. soo cute! 

6. Coursera.org This online class platform has helped to remind me of how much I am learned from moving here in Hong Kong. It's not just about learning new things, I realized how much I can contribute and that, honestly, build up my self-esteem again. Currently I am taking Professor Henry Perry's class on Health for All through Primary Healthcare with John Hopkins! My first public health related class after undergrad career! Let's see where this class lead me!

So that were the lists of things that I am recently very grateful of. Of course, a lot of it has sounds quite depressing. I have to admit that over the pass few weeks, I was unhappy and stressed and therefore, these things are quite crucial and more significant to me that you might understand. Anyhow, I hope again to update the blog more regularly since this proposal preparation madness! Of course... after I catch up with my putonghua class, my online class, the traveling scrapbook, and a lot of other things... hehe I am a busy girl ;).

Don't forget to stay silly!

Till next time,
Emily

End of the World, or is it?

Dear friends, 

So it has come the time in which we all reflect upon what we have done over this past year. I meant to finish this before the new year, but then I was too busy. Anyhow this is an opportunity to do, some year-end review and listing our some resolution and reflecting among what I’ve done!

So this year – 2012, I’ve lived in Hong Kong. In my small apartment with my German roommate who I’ve grown a fond for. I really do appreciate the people I have met being here in Hong Kong, the friends I have made at work, the people whom I’ve met and admired whom has become my role models. Nevertheless, when people asked me how do I like Hong Kong so far? I’ve always answered with “it’s a love/hate relationship”.

Indeed it is a love and hate. The crowds still get to me. Always and probably always will. It’s kinda crazy how packed and dense one city can be. However, yet hiding among this massive amount of people, I’ve found comfort in behind forest of steel and tall residential buildings. I admired how enthusiastic people can be with outdoors activities. From the third perspective, we’ve always assumed its because you cannot do anything inside your small home, that is why people are more active and more engaged in outside activities. However, living here myself has stripped away those beliefs. I do admit that in some ways, that has contributed to the lifestyle here, but there are much more variables. The accessibility of things, the great urban planning and the nature of the landscape here in Hong Kong do drive people to do hiking, going to the beach, surfing, BBQ-ing and other outdoor activities. Driven to find the “unique” place outside of the “city” is another one of the reasons as I have observed.

Coming from Bangkok, I think I’m indulged. Indulged by the opportunities to see stars anywhere I go. Particularly I’ve grown up in the sub-urb of Bangkok. I have seen lots of outdoors stuff, but I have taken it for granted. I learned to take the opportunity here and just do it. Live more spontaneously and give it all for both work and my personal life. This is definitely one big thing I have learned this year. Thanks to Hong Kong and my job here.

Another big thing is what I’ve learned through my long-distance relationship. The most important thing for me this year is the ability to learn how to listen and acknowledge one’s feelings/emotions. I’ve been raised to be “solution-driven”. Always looking forward and thinking what is the next step, which I have learned this year.. that sometimes solutions do not matter at that point. Your loved ones just need someone to be there and understand where he/she is coming from and just wanted someone to listen. I’ve grown in this respect, although I have a lot more to learn. To be more considerate, more understanding, and learning how to compromise and balance personal life and working. It has always been an issue for me since…. Forever. Balancing my passions and balancing my time.

Anyhow here are some of the reflections for year 2012 for me.

My job, pro and con.

I’ve met inspiring people, who taught me things within 5 minutes of being with them. I’ve met various kinds of people who are driven by different things, and it taught me how different the business world can be. How I need to learn how to adapt, and give the most to what I value. Learn more. Don’t be scared of risks, because the higher the risks, the higher returns.

Family

I regretted not having enough time with them. I do go back home a lot, however, I still feel like kids are growing fast and my parents and grandparents are growing old much too fast, and I am missing out from their lives. I admit I am scared. I still hope to be the glue of the family like before as someone has claimed earlier. But my nephew is filling in for me for now.

      My love

I regretted certain things I’ve done this year. But I’ve learned so much from this relationship. I’ve met the one who understands me, who drives me to do what I want, who tells me thing other people won’t do, who hurts me but for my own sake. Someone who genuinely care for me and love me for who I am. I would like to be the same person for him as well. His best friend, his love and his partner. Hope we can be together soon. If not, I am sure we will learn from this and continue to grow together.

      Friends

There were times when I feel distant with them and I am scared that we will continue to grow more distant and different. But I know I can always go back to them. To talk, to discuss and to have fun. I have many groups of friends I know, some who I go crazy with and some who I go to for love issues, some who I talk to for career issues and those who I haven’t seen for age. I cannot take my friendships for granted, I have to remind myself that.

     Myself

I learned to live alone in a completely new town/city. I learned how to travel alone. I’ve learned more about myself. I learned about my loneliness, my limits, my emotions. I learned that I need to take care of myself a little bit more. Always room to grow, and I hope I do not stop learning.

Those are definitely what I’ve learned this year. And hopefully things would improve next year.

To those who actually read all of the context here, thank you. And I wish you a very happy new year!

Love,

Emily

something from my trip home this new year