The unconditional love, that comes with worries.

i think someone followed me on the way home tonight.

yes, it was indeed scary. i was really scared. well, i'm really scared.


I decided to buy some pepper spray, since something really creepy just happened to my roommate too. :(


and then I decided to tell my dad. despite the fact that i know he would get worried. Like really worried. (I personally think he has implanted my paranoia about this kind of thing in my head..) but then I feel relieved when I tell him. :( i just want to sense of security, especially from him.

so he told me to be careful. :(
I will, I love you dad.



I love my dad.

Is it really okay...?

these days I have been feeling.. not like myself today.

I feel like I'm losing the grips of everything that I have to take care. I feel like I've lost my ability to control my life.

Moreover, everyone keeps saying that everything is going to be alright. But is it really?

I hate it when I'm confused about my own life, and I keep postponing it. I kept thinking that I can do this or that since my fields of study is pretty broad. But can I really be that carefree?

Can I really simply just don't care about people in my life and just move on with all I've got?


Of course I can't be selfish. I would never do that... But sometimes it's just tiring. It really is.


See what I mean when I said that I'm losing the grip of my own life? I lost the ability to prioritize. I feel so vulnerable, but yet there's no one to lean on. Well, not currently with me right now anyway.


And I just want to say that I give up. But I haven't given up, and my heart has not given up on me. I know I can do it. But I just hate this confusion. I want to move on. I want to know.



I hope November aren't going to stay like this forever. I really hope not.

oops. HALLOWEEN GONE WRONG. or not!

I had a good time this weekend, the Halloween weekend. :) Well, technically, if i don't get a job here, this is my last halloween in Seattle, which my roommate doesn't permit me to talk about it. But oh well, we went out on Friday and Saturday nights. And it was a lot of fun.

There weren't that many impressive costumes out there this year though. I am sort of disappointed. I mean last week, when I was with Starlight Children's Trick or Treating night, there were so many kids in the most adorable costumes ever! :) But yah, adults and kids. Definitely different.